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Wednesday, December 9, 2015

For my beloved daughter on what would have been her 20th birthday

I've told this story here before, if you've heard it before give me an indulgence...December 9, 1995,
was, without question, the worst day of my life....twenty years ago (!) wife Carla, nearly at term with our daughter Victoria,was feeling strange.......we thought we were going to experience a somewhat premature delivery, and what actually happened is her heart stopped beating, she became detatched from the placenta, and we lost her. Simple as that.

There is, to my knowledge, no worse pain one could go through than the loss of one's child......we are not SUPPOSED to bury our children. It was 20 years ago today, and SO INCREDIBLY MUCH has happened in our lives since then (including the birth and raising of our now-18 year old son Grant), but the pain and sorrow NEVER subsides, especially on this day......I've posted music in her memory before, notably the Temple of the Dog album because of the song "Say Hello to Heaven" which has always reminded me of her, and the first Bush album which was the last thing I listened to when we got the news that we had lost her........

I will ALWAYS love my daughter, even though she and I never breathed the same air......Carla and I visited her grave today, and it was as gut-wrenching as ever, in particular on her 20th birthday.....God I wish she was with us, that we were a family of four rather than three, but I am BLESSED to have a healthy, wonderful, honors-program-college-bound son, and I will NEVER not appreciate him for ONE SECOND.....

But I still love you and miss you Victoria....I hope all is well in heaven, and I hope you have met up with all 4 of your late grandparents, your brother never got to meet EITHER of his grandfathers.....some day, we will all be reunited......until that time, look after my parents, my parents in law, and all the friends that have gone on before me (too many to name so I won't)........

OK, music? For tonight, in me4mory of my gone but NOT forgotten daughter I have selected a couple of pieces, maybe you'll enjoy them, and maybe not, but understand my PURPOSE here, this time, is NOT to necessarily please is to honor the memory of Victoria Amanda Miller, born/died 12/9/1995..........I will always love you my darling angel.

First of all, I am going to post a 2005 album from the German band Victoria, not really a spectacular
album, but not wretched either, and as it shares my daughter's name, I'm's kind of folky/psychy/countryish, maybe a German Grateful Dead with a chick singer (!), hell, I don't know, the long track "Villiage of Etaf" is pretty cool, and there are some interesting bonus tracks as well.

Secondly, I am posting one of my all time favorites, Chubby Checker's self titled psychedelic (Holland only release) album, which I hapen to consider a masterpiece.....I have posted this before, but if you've not heard it, NOT AT ALL what you are's a BRILLIANT piece of Love-ish soul/psych, and since the WONDERFUL opening track is entitled "Goodbye Victoria", it feels like something I NEED to post today.......all emotions aside, this is a FANTASTIC album that likely you have not heard.....if not, PLEASE do not deprive yourself.....the Victoria album is a curiosity......the Chubby Checker album is a piece of brilliance that I love (FYI Checker HATED this album and did not want it released.....personally, it is one of my VERY faves, I STRONGLY encourage you to listen to this great disc if you never have.

Next year, perhaps the great Kinks song "Victoria", God only knows in what econtext.

Rest in peace, my angel!

VICTORIA-01 Peace/02 Cumberland/03 Gevaro/04 Ride a Rainbow/05 Never Knew Blues/06 Down to the Park/07 Villiage of Etaf/08 Core of the Apple/09 Mister Let Me Go (Bonus Acetate)/10 Johnny & Lisa (Bonus Acetate)/11 Peace (Bonus Acetate)/12 Cumberland (Bonus Acetate)/13 Child of Princess (Bonus Real-to-Real Track)/14 Sundance (Bonus Real-to-Real Track)/15 Wheels (Bonus Real-to-Real Track)

CHUBBY CHECKER-01 Goodbye Victoria/02 My Mind/03 Slow Lovin'/04 If the Sun Stopped Shining/05 Stoned in the Bathroom/06 Love Tunnel/07 How Does It Feel/08 He Died/09 No Need to Get So Heavy/10 Let's Go Down/11 Ballade of Jimi

I love you Victoria Amanda Miller, I wish I could tribute you in some more meaningful forum, but for now, this is what I can me, your mama, brother, aned me love you more than we could ever in peace angel.




  3. Hello BigScott,
    makes me really sad to here this with your daughter... life becomes sometimes so hard... when it gives heaven, she will surely being there... sorry for my bad english... nice greetings and not to forget so many thanks for your blog.. I'm coming nearly every day here to see whats new.

  4. Scott

    my thoughts are with you today man

    I have the Chubby Checker album on vinyl and agree it is a great listen. I usually play it then put it away for a year or so before i go back to it just so I can appreciate it so much again.



  5. A wonderful and heartfelt tribute. Thank you for sharing it with us.

    Kindest regards


  6. I know your pain, Scott. I really appreciate the honesty and openness of your expression. I will keep this in mind for myself.


  7. Peace to you and your family Big Scott.

  8. I totally understand and sympathize, Scott, having lost a daughter myself just 3 years ago, at the age of 28. Don't know what's worst. To lose someone you never had the chance to see grow, or to lose someone who shared some of their best and worst moments with you. I guess the pain is the same, no matter what.

    1. Sorry for your loss, I certainly feel your pain

    2. Sorry for your loss, I certainly feel your pain

  9. Scott, I'm very sorry to learn of your loss. The love and pain you feel are eloquently expressed - all my best to you and your family.

  10. Scott, I'm very sorry to learn of your loss. The love and pain you feel are eloquently expressed - all my best to you and your family.

  11. Sorry for your loss, Scott, and thanks for sharing.
    I lost a daughter 3 1/2 years ago, who lived into her second day. We visit her fairly often, though less so since our little boy arrived 1 1/2 years ago.
    Jim, KY