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Friday, April 15, 2016

Suicide

I know I have done a post on Suicide before, but I have a fucking reason for this....perhaps you noticed that I was absent from the blog for a few days.....that is because I was hospitalized due to an attempted suicide, using alcohol and tons of pain meds.......sometimes the pain just gets to be too fucking much and life just gets too Goddamn hard to deal with.....if you don't know what I mean you are one lucky motherfucker.....this went down Sunday night and the next thing I knew I woke up and it was Wedensday afternoon......still fucking alive. The TWO people in my life who I care anything about, my wife and my son, I let them down BIG FUCKING TIME......my wife says she wants a divorce and I don't blame her one fucking bit. "The Music That Shaped a Semi-Wasted Life"....what a fucking joke "semi"-wasted.......good Lord, as Neil Young so eloquently put it, "Why do I KEEP FUCKING UP?!?!?!"  I wish the fuck I knew.......I don't want anyone's pity, I know fucking drugs and alcohol are not the fucking answer, neither is hurting the people I love by terminating my life......maybe some fucking day I'll figure it out, but FUCK man, life can totally fucking SUCK sometimes......

1.Suicide - CBGB Sept 29 1977 (96 Tears Intro / Ghostrider / Rocket USA / Cheree / Jonny / Frankie Teardrop) 24m 47s
2.Suicide - CBGB Dec 3 1977 (Ghostrider / Jesus Vega / Frankie Teardrop / Put A Little Love In Your Heart) 22m 8s
3.Suicide - The Palladium NYC Jan 7 (Rocket USA / Cheree / Dance / Frankie Teardrop) 21m 44s
4.Suicide - Maxs Jan 13 (Ghostrider / Rocket USA / Cheree / Dance / 96 Tears / Frankie) 22m 54s
5.Suicide - CBGB Feb 3 (Harlem / Ghostrider / Keep Your Dreams / Dance / Frankie Teardrop) 26m 37s
6.Suicide - Brussels June 16 1978 (Frankie Teardrop) 23m 46s
7.Suicide - Paris Olympia June 18 1978 (Ghostrider / Rocket USA / Cheree Dance / Frankie Teardrop / Backstage) 46m 59s
8.Suicide - Hamburg Audiomax June 28 1978 (Rocket USA / Cheree / Harlem) 21m 39s
9.Suicide - Berlin Kant Kino/Neue Welt June 30 1978 Set 1 (Ghostrider / Rocket USA / Cheree / Harlem / 96 Tears) 22m 44s
10.Suicide - Berlin Kant Kino/Neue Welt June 30 1978 Set 2 (Ghostrider / Rocket USA / 96 Tears dance / Harlem) 24m 24s
11.Suicide - London MusicMachine July 24 1978 (Rocket USA / Dance / Harlem Cheree / Mr Ray) 25m 40s
12.Suicide - Our Price Radio Ad 1m 6s
13.Suicide - Erics Liverpool July 29 1978 (Rocket USA / Cheree / Ghostrider / 96 Tears) 31m 14s
14.Suicide - Erics pt 2 July 29 1978 (Cum Ahead Frankie Teardrop) 6m 21s
15.Suicide - Maxs August 25 1978 (Ghostrider / Rocket Miss USA / Cheree / Mr Ray / Jonny / Harlem) 

35 comments:

  1. DISC 1
    http://www60.zippyshare.com/v/owBXLyMW/file.html

    DISC 2
    http://www11.zippyshare.com/v/JMb8HtuE/file.html

    DISC 3
    http://www21.zippyshare.com/v/JYoJtLGO/file.html

    DISC 4
    http://www88.zippyshare.com/v/d1vQhU9O/file.html

    DISC 5
    http://www16.zippyshare.com/v/VRNBRKjB/file.html

    DISC 6
    http://www2.zippyshare.com/v/s5yvwqQi/file.html

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    1. Scott, it does get better - I am truly sorry that you are in the midst of all this pain - I know, I've been there - six years back I woke up and had to find a way to go on. Be kind and patient with yourself - your the only you there is. Peace, brother.

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  2. My good friend, you certainly aren't alone. Our generation has eclipsed all others in committing suicide. I've done it myself. Let's face it, life truly does suck, for one. Also I think the powers that be want to kill us off. This may sound trite Scott, but now is not the time to be too hard on yourself. You need to cut yourself some slack. Sure the little lady may be talking divorce right now but I think one of the mistakes of male thinking is to think that a condition, especially with the fairer sex, is permanent. Just be your usual kind, humorous, caring self. I don't know if you know about Dharmapunx but Thannisaro Bikkhu used to be their spiritual father of sorts......check out some of his talks here: http://www.dhammatalks.org/mp3_index.html

    Also you have my e-mail addie I think..... 1badseed@live.com From there you can get my phone number. I'm having a very hard time in life myself lately. Don't make the mistake of thinking it's all you. There are millions of us right now getting a royal fucking by the powers that be. Even though I, too, am having a hard time....I can also help. I am not an AA, NA or any of that person. I do what I want....so I wouldn't bullshit you. Just hang tight buddy and check out Thannisaro. He's not a religo-nut but he does help one calm, control, and understand the workings of the mind. Also, helps OGs like us begin to confront death. Peace to you my friend. You've not a damned thing to be ashamed of, which you pretty much aren't. Warm regards.

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  3. I don't have anything to add that can improve on the above comment, which really says it all. Good luck and hang in there.

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  4. Please don't beat yourself up any more than you already have. I hope your wife comes around, but regardless, you still have to be strong for your kid. So much of life is unexpected, you know. Maybe some of those things will be good. Thanks for the blog.

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  5. Sending Positive Vibes, Scott

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  6. Times are pretty shitty for most of us, I think. I have definitely contemplated a permanent "fuck this shit, I'm out". My teenage nephew did last week. I have a hard time keeping on some days. Then I tell myself that the world is trying to kill me & I'm damn sure not going to let those fuckers win. My wife tried several years ago but she called her friend and she saved her life. I was pissed at first but anger isn't going to help anything. I hope your loved ones can find a way to release their anger & learn to understand and help. If you have means to get some professional help, do. There's no shame in any of this. I wish nothing but the best for you.

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  7. I look forward to your blog every day. You have created something that brings joy to so many people. Checking out would leave far less colour in our world. You are important.

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  8. Please take a look at this book, my friend. I wish you and your family well. https://www.harpercollins.com/9780060936211/how-i-stayed-alive-when-my-brain-was-trying-to-kill-me

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  9. Augustus Owsley Strudel IIIApril 15, 2016 at 11:49 PM

    I'm glad they were able to rescue you. If 'Growing Bored For A Living' was to go away, there would be an empty space in the internet & and empty space in our souls. I just got to your blog after reading a friend's account of her struggles with stage-4 cancer. Depression & cancer are not too different. She is fighting so hard to stay alive, and you should too. There is so much good stuff going on this year to look forward to. the Flamin' Groovies have a new single & a new album coming out (possibly tour as well). The Vikings are poised to go beyond the first round in the playoffs. Keep going, keep up the good work & remember, 'Life's too short to listen to shitty music'.

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  11. Hey Scott,

    I've been right where you are. I woke up in a hospital after a couple of days of drinking and using drugs. I was told I had been going into respiratory arrest and right place right time someone was there to get me help. I hadn't made a conscious decision to kill myself but the result was the same. It wasn't the first time. I also know the feeling that life is shit and not worth living - that there was no way out. All of that was a long time back.

    Sometimes I still struggle with depression but I have a pretty good life today in spite of the appearance that some rare days it's all a total shit storm.

    Without getting into details here I found a way out. One of many. I know some of the Dharmapunx people and Refuge Recovery came out of that. I've done AA/NA. It's not for everyone but offers a lot if speaks to you. I worked with a great therapist for a couple years who really helped me sort things. There's other help available if you want it.

    There is a community here that you built around our love of music. A lot of us are here for you beyond the music. Please reach out to me here and let me know if you want to chat. You and you family are in my thoughts today.

    -a

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  12. Glad that you are back.... If it means anything to you...I had a conversation with Lou Reed once and he told me the last thing in the world he wanted was to die... There are so few good people here you owe it to me personally, to stay alive ...so do so

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  13. Hey Scott, I'm just a long-time lurker who really enjoys what you have to say. So sorry that you're having such a bad time. Please hang in there mate.

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  14. Scott, so sorry for the pain you're in. I know it can be overwhelming. My wife is bipolar and when the depression hits, it's all-consuming.

    Right now you realize that the self-medicating isn't helping but it's an awfully hard temptation to resist without help. My wife can't stand that group shit either, but with the help of a good shrink, good medicine and a good therapist, she's coping. There are still hard times, and always will be, but it's a little easier when you know it's an illness, not some kind of moral failing.

    I guess what I'm saying is please see a good doctor and get yourself evaluated. There may be more and better help available than you think.

    There are a lot of people out here whom you've brought a lot of joy and who wish you the best, even if you never post another lick of music again. Be well, we're all rooting for you.

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  15. Dude - lots of concern for you out here. The pain is always gonna be there, but remember it's SUICIDE - A way of LIFE! You can't hear the music or taste the wine once your gone and its a one way ride...I have been there, hope you stay here. It's better to kill (as you do on the blog) than to be killed (by yourself or anyone else...)

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  16. Big Scott.....don't let your recent setback be an end point....let's just call it a reset.

    I'm no expert, but I can give you my best advice....

    ...to me, one of the most noble things is to battle through adversity and come out on top...no matter how small the victory...just come out on top...every day that ends with you still taking in oxygen is a win....

    ...make the effort to post something, however small or insignificant or huge and profound...just one thing posted here a day from now on....it will be read and it will be a small daily victory for you as you get it back together....and you will....

    ...peace to you, my friend.....

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  17. Hey, friend—

    Just another lurker and fan who just wanted to say that I'm really thankful for all your hard work over the years, really sorry things are so tough for you right now, and really, really glad you're still around.

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  18. Scott, hang in there - I just got through my second go round with bladder cancer (which is all kinds of fun to explain to people, everything else aside), and the thing is that people have to deal with their own feelings, but they wouldn't respond so strongly if they didn't care so much in the first place. The internet is weird and wonderful in that it creates these relationships that never could have happened in our youth, but the concern expressed by everybody here who you've never met is genuine! I wish you only the best.

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  19. I don't have any great advice for you, but I'll say a prayer or two that you can find the strength to get through this. While your wife may or may not be able to deal with this, your son is always going to need you to be there for him. Please do everything you can to get help so this does not happen again. If this blog is helpful to you, stay with it. If it just brings stress, dump it and go on with life. In any case, God bless and I wish the best for you.

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  20. on a lighter note ...I cant get these links to register or work

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    1. they come up for me as non active and I drag them into zippy and they don't work ... just saying... everything is cool.

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  21. Hey Scott- sorry to hear your news but glad you are still here ! Things always change - nothing lasts forever so you just gots to hang on and wait for the wheel to turn.
    One bit of advice that someone gave me once sticks in my mind - 'Nothing is ever as bad (or as good) as it first appears'. It's like at 4AM and your mind is racing with every terrible thought imaginable. When daylight comes around you think 'why on earth did I think all that mad stuff a few hours ago?'.

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  22. Sometimes you just can't fix these things on your own...try fixing a broken leg on your own - good luck with that, right?
    So give the doc a call pronto. Male pride is what'll kill us faster than anything. Look at this this way, it's nothing new - half the musicians on this blog would have topped themselves if they didn't have the music. You've just got to find your music. It'll take time, but the fact you actually admitted you have a problem says to me you are on the right road already. It's the silent ones we gotta watch out for. Love the blog, keep up the great work!

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  23. Holy shit I can't believe I'm just seeing this now. SO glad you're still here with us. There are a lot of us out here who truly appreciate your kind generosity and honesty. Welcome back -- know you are valued.

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  24. You are loved and needed. be well.

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  26. Glad to hear you're still with us. Your work here makes life a little bit more livable to so many people. Keep on doing it man. Seriously how shitty would our lives be without rock and roll?

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  27. Just to say that you are indeed loved out here. You are scared. Everyone who loves you is scared. But that will pass. Good luck. We're pulling for you.

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  28. Your work makes life a *lot* more livable for some of us. I recently had to drop everything & go care for a sick parent for a month in an isolated place with on cable or internet. Luckily for me I'd just downloaded the massive Dylan covers set & a few other big collections from your site. Without them I'm not sure I would have made it through the month sane. What you do matters to many of us. Thank you.

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  29. Big Scott:

    I also greatly enjoy your blog, and I'm glad you're still with us!

    I've dealt with depression, and drug and alcohol addiction myself, and I got through it with 12-Step Recovery "one day at a time."

    These five things are vital to that approach: 1. Meetings, 2. Prayer, 3. (Being Of) Service, 4. Fellowship (we're like Hobbits!) 5. Working The 12 Steps. When I'm feeling out-of-whack, after 8 years clean and sober, I do more of them--and less of everything else, and it's worked for me.

    I find one's chances of recovering are proportionate to their willingness to do those five things. As was said above, pride is our undoing, and recovery (like a broken leg) can't be done on our own. One reason is that after you learn about addiction and how to stay sober, you're expected to pass it on, so you'll need someone to guide you, and someone to guide.

    I wish you peace, and the best of luck!

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  30. As an anonymous comment earlier said, look at this as a reset of your life, priorities, etc. You cannot change anything past. You can only go one moment, one hour, one day at a time. And when you fuck something up again (and you will), you start fresh from that moment. I've been under treatment for clinical depression for 16 yrs. & episodes go back to my pre-teens (I'm 61).
    You are loved Brother. You can make it.

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  31. Hi Scott,
    Hope you are feeling better and getting some help. We all love your blog and it is a gift that keeps on giving. Wish you the best and hang in there!

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